Life is shitty but there's always toilet paper...

I don't know if being almost killed by the hands of your brothers falls into domestic violence and the 3 monkeys ( not listening, not seeing, not speaking of it) of my mother also involves around it. I feel unsafe in my house is the second time he has try to choke me into losing my conscience. Yes I almost saw the dark tunnel while the hands m of my brother were around my neck and while kick me with his knee.I tried to defend myself but it was impossible he is a tall and heavy guy. I feel that my life is in danger and my mom's. The funny thing is that he has a  pattern. I regret not denouncing him, I wanted to but my body was numb and knowing he was waiting to kill me outside our "home". What hurts me the most is my mom's action towards me and her defense into my younger brother's favor. I finally confirm my long time suspicions, my mother never wanted me alive. I asked myself why?? Is it because I am a woman?? Is it because I resemble my deceased father ( one of the person who I despise the most in this world!!! ) Or is because I have done thing she never did and wanted to the point of cursing me every time I tell her my plans??? I feel betray, abandon, hated and pitty. The police came she told her version to his favor making me look as if I was crazy!! C'mmon he tried to choke you on October 27, 2006 ( one day before the GRE it was because of that I action I fell my second attempt knowing I was ready to improve my scores and receiving a  panic call from yourself and having another from him telling me of her suicide attempt) plus he has beaten his ex-girlfriend threaten her because of his jealousy and LACK OF MANHOOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!. I sometimes feel I'm better of death knowing my mom doesn't want me and never care about she only had care about her SON and" THE REAL MAN OF THE HOUSE"" when he actually does shit instead of doing hard work as I done and herself!! I'm tired of this shit!! I want to leave my " home" but I don't have anywhere to go and no job ( bless my luck, then ppl ask do you miss UIUC?? Heck I do, was better off away "home"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! My heart aches has treason and vengeance start to sprung up in my thoughts!